Being a public figure on the internet isn’t an easy thing and women receive a disgusting amount of sexism and hatred online. I don’t know what you’ve specifically had to endure over the years. I can only imagine it’s been very hard. You don’t deserve or have to put up with that. None of us do. 

Women are also expected to carry more of the emotional load and be more empathetic and caring and calm and perform to societal expectations. It’s sexist. It’s unfair. I would love to hear you speak up about that on the blog if you’re passionate about it. I’m personally not asking you to not be angry or to play nice because you’re a woman. If you were a man making some of the comments you’ve made here, I still think you’d be taking heat. Because you are, in essence, dismissing the perspectives of others and reorienting the conversation around your feelings. At your place of work. Where you’re the boss.

I’m hopeful that you can read this next part as caring, nuanced and focused around values I care very much about. I know it’s hard to convey tone in this format. But this is what I would say to a friend if I were being real with them about this situation.

It seems like you may be conflating your past experiences with the mostly civil and nuanced conversation happening here that is trying to get a read on the values and intentions of the women who run this online business and provide respectful feedback.

If this was an online password-protected hobby blog, you could completely control who showed up and whether or not you wanted them to have access to your thoughts and life. But this is a business that is built on images of your homes, photos of your children and podcasts full of your stories and inner lives. You can ask for no one to do anything but love and approve of every one of your choices but that’s not how businesses work. And you have made the challenging, difficult-to-navigate decision to build a business based on your personalities and lives. 

You can want to have a gorgeous Fourth of July party and take photos of it and post it for people to consume and buy products from. But since it is a business and not a private photo album, your customers are allowed to say, hey, we don’t think this is the right time to post photos of your Fourth of July party—it seems out of step with what’s happening in the world. 

You then have the choice to weigh this feedback and decide whether your desire to celebrate the Fourth of July and not waste content is more important than the feedback you received. You get to decide. But there’s more to consider than just your own perspective and desires. At the end of the day, businesses exist to serve customers and provide the products and services they want. Even if the products are photos from your life. As soon as you monetize them and post them online, you invite others to have an opinion and voice their perspectives.if a lot of people are saying the same thing, it might be worth paying attention to. You don’t have to put up with hate or rudeness but that is not what this is. It’s feedback.

Your business is built on the premise of other people’s attention. So if you offend, marginalize or downplay the experiences of certain people, they have a right to speak up. (You of course have the right to reply and the right not to.)

I would guess that the majority of people reading your blog don’t have as many resources as you do. They choose to read this as an escape, not because they can afford to renovate multiple expensive houses (not a dig, by the way. I love seeing your renovations). To ignore that there are people in your audience who are in more pain and at more risk than you because you don’t want to waste a good wreath post seems like a thoughtless choice. Not ill-intentioned, not “bad,” just thoughtless. 

Ditto for saying you’re living in the same reality. You certainly have more resources than the average woman. Does this impact you the way it impacts your readers with fewer resources or more stigmatized skin colors and identities?

All companies, male or female-owned, big or small are at least somewhat accountable to the people who pay their bills. Larger ones get to disperse the responsibility and put more of a buffer between themselves and the public. 

Smaller businesses have it harder and the risks are bigger. You lose the hearts and minds and eyeballs of the people you’re creating for and then you’re speaking to no one. Or to people who don’t share your values. Maybe you’re not so interested in retaining the readership of the few of us who have commented here. That’s fair. But I can guarantee you there are a lot more people like us who are watching this space silently to see how you handle this.

Is it a lot of pressure? Is it stressful? Can it be overwhelming? Is it a brutal time to be an imperfect person who makes a living online? Yes.

Is it unfair? I don’t think so. You signed up for this gig and profit from it. And you have every right to take a moment or say nothing or have someone else handle this if you don’t feel that you are in the position to do it yourself. Or to do something altogether different.

It’s IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone and always say the right thing and never offend anyone. And you don’t have to. But this is one of the big ones, the important ones. A chance to listen and consider your values and display them to your readers and customers. You didn’t ask for it but here it is. It doesn’t really matter that some of us initially felt you got it wrong. All that really matters is what you do now, how you handle the feedback and treat your audience, your customers. How you do or don’t make it about yourself. How you course correct to align with your values rather than your initial reaction.

I am rooting for you. Truly. Even if this post offends the shit out of you and you hate me. I have made many of your crafts and shared your blog with others. I am inspired by what you have built. I love supporting successful, creative, hard working women. And I will most likely still be here reading. We’re all learning and growing and I don’t assume that I have it right and that I’m not missing something. I’ve been spending the last few years listening, learning and paying attention, especially to my black friends and my gay friends and my friends from different backgrounds. And I am doing my best to put what I’ve learned into action, even if that’s spending more time than is reasonable writing a comment on a blog post. (I am also a tired mom.) This has been a week. I hope we’ll all assume the best of each other while also embracing the opportunity to learn and grow and try again tomorrow.

Emma, this is just… wow. Lashing out at people that are trying to engage respectfully with you and who you are privileged enough to make your living from is kind of just social media don’ts 101. When you position yourself as a public figure – which, yes, you have chosen to do – you’re accepting that the people that you profit from are going to offer feedback to you and yeah, you’re not going to like it sometimes. That’s not called name-calling. Your readers telling you that they find your choice in content to be tone-deaf and insensitive is not name-calling. It’s called accountability and that’s something that I think all of us should accept with more grace. When you make a decision that upsets people and choose to respond defensively instead of acknowledging that it’s possible you’ve misstepped, or even that you can understand and respect differing opinions, you add to the same callous discourse that led us here as a country. I was really disappointed to see this post but I’m more disappointed in your doubling-down and snappishness about it. Really not a good look at all.

I did not put anyone down. I did not belittle anyone or call them a name. I did not tell anyone I was disappointed in them or that they should do better. I did defend myself after some of these things were said to me (and have been said to me on the internet for years).

I am angry. For a lot of reasons. And I am a little tired of people telling women to stop being angry. And if you think my anger is better off being directed at politicians, I agree. I would also point out that perhaps the anger and disappointment that is directed at bloggers and influencers should instead be directed to politicians. I am tired of being the internets punching bag when bad things happen.

Thank you to Rian et Audra for your thoughts as they mirror mine (although I cannot express them as well as both of you). I do like this site but it was not the correct time to post. I understand that someone worked on this last month but a life altering event happened on Friday. Half your population no longer have the right to choose what happens to their own bodies. How is that freedom (that is what you celebrate on July 4, no)?

Elsie, I think you answer was kind. Emma, I feel your anger but I think it should directed at your politicians and not your audience.

Emma, the defensiveness and aggression you are showing to your readers is kind of astounding to me. I’ve been following this blog for a long time, and I subscribe to your newsletter. This content is something I look forward to, and I see this site as a beautiful platform for women to come together and support each other. You have more than 50,000 followers, and you got a few comments on this post which pointed out that the content felt a little tone deaf after the events of last Friday. And you … go off at us? I’ve seen other women’s lifestyle blogs that had pre-populated posts for Monday where they just added a disclaimer to the top about understanding the past few days have been hard for women and they understand. Simply stating that would have been fine. An “I hear you, we’re devastated too” in the comments would suffice. Nobody is asking you (a small, women-owned company) to bear responsibility for this whole situation, but as a reader, I do expect you to take constructive (or even slightly critical) feedback with grace. Other blogs manage that just fine (CupofJo is one). I assume you provide this content for your readers, and not for yourself? I have a user-facing job, and I know it’s not a good look to lash out at your audience. You’re obviously allowed to MY BLOG, MY CHOICE if you want, but know that’s going to alienate some people.

And on the note about loving your country despite its’ archaic systems in place that are currently ripping rights away from citizens … ok, sure. But perhaps you could understand why many people don’t find much to celebrate about Independence Day at this particular time, when it’s becoming clearer every day that independence and freedom are only extended to certain individuals in this country. While I was mildly triggered and confused by this post yesterday, I am way more disappointed by your angry response to feedback (especially to the thoughtful comment from Rian above). I’ get that you’re feeling a lot of feelings like the rest of us, so I say these things with understanding. Stay well.

Of course you can ask that, this is why the comments are published. We moderate every comment on this site (aiming to not let offensive language and spam through) so if it’s been published we have seen it, heard it, felt it, and pressed published on it. That doesn’t mean I don’t get to comment back.

I just hope that you are applying the same rules to all the TV shows, movies, books, or other content you consume. It’s hard not to feel like most of this type of scrutiny doesn’t land squarely on the shoulders of small female run online businesses like mine. It feels like a double standard in many ways and it’s incredibly exhausting at a time where I am already exhausted since I am living in the same reality as you.

Hi!
I just wanted to say that we completely understand how difficult this week is.

It’s not the first year people have been upset by 4th of July content and I think that is so sad for our country.

To Emma’s points, we are working hard to be a fair, ethical company. This is a women owned, women run business and we are living our values in the hard (expensive) unseen ways. So it does feel discouraging to feel that we are often scrutinized for things that are superficial, like this wreath. I understand if some of you think we should have trashed this post (which was pre-planned and pre-written since we work about a month ahead). It makes sense why you would look at it and say we should have just skipped a day or put up something else. With that said, I hope it is ALSO understandable why we didn’t want to trash a post that we worked hard on. An American flag wreath is not a republican or pro-life icon. We support a woman’s right to choose! We are grieving and voting and finding ways to support. I personally don’t think that avoiding red, white and blue crafts is meaningful.

We love you all so much and we never want to be a source of tension or pain. We want to be a source of inspiration and love. We care a lot. From the bottom of our hearts- we’re doing our best! Your comments are welcome here but please treat us like friends and tired moms- that’s what we are. We care! xx

No one (especially no woman or marginalized person) should be expected to perform, post their opinion, or do any more emotional labour than they are already doing while processing this life changing, human-rights-violating decision. For some people in some places, it can even feel unsafe to do so. You and Elsie and Laura and other contributors to this blog share a lot of personal information about yourselves online about your families and homes and I don’t assume to know what expressing an opinion might mean for you in the states where you live. I imagine you’re feeling all kinds of ways as most of us are and you’re under no obligation to share what that looks or feels like. I don’t think that most of these comments are asking you to do that.

Hopefully you can also see it from the flip side. We, your readers (and possibly paying customers because this is a business) are also feeling all kinds of ways. We come here to escape and see beautiful projects and possibly buy things. And today, some of us are letting you know (or clicking away rather than taking the time to comment) that your choice of post was disappointing and easily misinterpreted and for some it was even triggering. We’re saying this place we love to come to didn’t feel safe today. And we’re questioning why you couldn’t have made another choice—a cocktail recipe, a pic of some nail art, a day off of posting. You often recycle content and I don’t think anyone would have minded or misinterpreted a diy frame art project from 2018.

We get that it’s a wreath. And yet, this particular end of June is not like any other end of June we’ve ever lived through. This is a huge, huge deal for millions of people. And this symbol that has traditionally represented pride and progress has taken on a more complicated meaning, especially just three days after Roe v Wade was overturned.

It is a Monday. But many people did not return to work. Some people are figuring out what to do and how far they have to drive to get medical services. Some doctors are closing their practices and seriously considering whether to put their own lives at risk to help others by breaking the law. I’ve seen male-owned companies give all of their employees paid time off to process this and commit to using paid company time to actively brainstorm next steps. Of course you don’t have to do any of those things. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of thought into your employment policies to make those people’s lives better. We have only so much time and energy and, as you mention, performing isn’t a great use of it. You do you. Your blog, your choice. Your scope. Women are being asked to do more than their fair share right now and taking each other to task for not doing everything isn’t helping. I seriously hope more men take up the slack for us right now because damn, we could use it.

Having said all of that, I and others here are simply asking you to consider your relationship with your audience during a very not normal time. Few of us are likely to forget this week. A simple, I hear you, I got you will be remembered far longer and be appreciated so much more than a decorative wreath tutorial.
Thanks for reading. xo